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Friday, October 2, 2015

Obama Searches For More Distractions

It’s one thing to be elected President. It’s another to BE President.

President Obama has a crisis of conscience. Well, he would if he had one but he’s got big problems and he needs an out.

Here is an excerpt from the Obama White House strategy meeting held just last night:

Obama: Global Climate Change just ain’t cutting it. There are just too many problems to cover up. Anybody got any suggestions on how to get past this one?

Aide: How about…Income Inequality?


Obama: Nope, we’ve tried that last year and things have only gone downhill since then. First, I’m killing the economy with regulations, taxation and confiscation and people just aren’t seeing the vision. There are too many people upset with rising healthcare premiums as a result of the government putting all the illegal aliens on ObamaCare. We need a BIG campaign to get people’s minds off of all the problems we’re causing them.


Aide #2: How about bombing somebody? It worked for Bill Clinton.


Obama: Nah, the only people we can justify bombing these days are MUSLIMS. What do you want me to do, get them mad at me?


Come on now people, I'm starting to look like a juggler running out of hands here. There’s got to be SOMETHING we can do to get people to look away from all the hurt I'm putting on the nation.

Aide #3: Well, there was another mass shooting, how about going after the gun lobby, again?


Obama: BINGO!


Aide #1: Well, didn’t we try guns after the Connecticut shooting?


Obama: Yes, we did but I’ve already tried everything else twice.


We’ve Race Baited, cried College Campus Rape, championed the $15.00 minimum wage in the name of Income Inequality and prosecuted anti-gay marriage fanatics. We've 
closed down bakeries, hounded climate skeptics, glorified the polar ice melt, armed every extremist group in the Middle East, spent twice as much money as the country earns in a year and denied oil production everywhere we can.

We HAVE to go after guns again. After all, it's an election year and WHAT THE HELL DOES THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAVE LEFT TO TALK ABOUT?


All together: GUNS! 


Obama: That's right people. If we dare try to talk about the economy, the war effort, jobs or...anything, we're going to get trounced come election day. I've got a legacy of good works to protect here! 

Quick, someone call Reuters, The New York Times, CNN, PBS and all the rest of our mouthpieces to tell them what we want them to do for us! Call that sycophant Wolf Blitzer and that walking ventriloquist dummy, Anderson Cooper and get them on the same page with our talking points. Type up something about the NRA, that aughta get people talking. 


You know, what we really need is a natural disaster like a tsunami or something. Where are all those severe storms our NASA scientists keep predicting?  


Aide #2: Sir, NASA was only following orders, it's not like it was true or anything. 

Obama: What? You mean we were making that stuff up? You mean none of it was real?

Aide #1: No Sir.

Obama: Crap!

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