Obama Talks Smack at the United Nations

During his speech at the United Nations today, President Obama has vowed to rethink his National Security Agency’s policy of spying on everybody in the world and has instead decided to just spy on American Citizens.

This will help Mr. Obama avoid any more embarrassing foreign privacy issues like the one raised earlier by Brazil’s President Dilma Rousseff who somehow misunderstood the intentions of the NSA when it intercepted communications between her and her cabinet members and eavesdropped on Brazil’s U.N. mission and state-run oil company.

“Oops!” Mr. Obama was heard to quip, “But look on the bright side, just look at what we do to countries we DON’T like!”

 Obama went on to note that he doesn’t experience the same outcry at home, “Since my press corps keeps all the important stuff off of the National News.” The Commander in Chief went on to say, "All that talk about upholding the Constitution and all that is dying down. The only thing anybody in the U.S. cares about any longer is when the next iPhone is coming out and the next episode of "Breaking Bad" on cable. I can do what I want here."

President Obama once again repeated a vow he has repeated every year for the last 6 years that he is ready to transfer prisoners out of the military prison at Guantanamo Bay and close it down. He also pledged renewed support for education and economic rebuilding for the people of Egypt, long forgotten since Syria and Iran have pushed their decent into chaos off the American headlines. “Soon I hope to bring the kind of prosperity we have enjoyed the last 6 years in the U.S. to Egypt!” Mr. Obama exclaimed with an emphatic smash of his fist against the palm of his hand. “We’ll fix Egypt!”

Mr. Obama also renewed his vow for peace in the world while warning Syria and Iran that the U.S. will use its “extraordinary military capabilities” to crush anyone who crosses us. “We’re still the world’s policeman and until anybody can knock us off our perch, we’re gonna stay the world’s policeman.” said the President.

And that concluded any real business at the United Nations. Basically it was a typical day.

“Hey, did anyone get a new iPhone this week, aren’t they great?” Exclaimed the U.S. President as he took his Dog and Pony show out of the United Nations building in NYC on his way back to the White House where he still has the important work of sinking the American economy, continuing to wage war all over the world and to feign outrage at just about everything else he cares to meddle in.