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Monday, July 23, 2012

Condoleezza Rice For Vice President!

I have been in love with “Condi” since I first laid eyes on her when that phony-baloney GW Bush was running for the presidency. I've always had a thing for brainy chics and Condoleezza is the real deal.

She’s brilliant! She speaks a half dozen languages fluently, is an expert on Russia and Eastern Europe, a classically trained pianist and she’s beautiful!
She is the perfect choice for Vice President for that fence walking Mitt Romney. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.  What a smart move this would be.

Oh and she would SO go out with me! 
Ok, we don’t have a whole lot in common, she’s got Ph.D and was a Provost at Stanford University for six years and I went to night school for seven years to get my Associate’s. She plays classical piano and I play bass guitar. I suppose it would be a plus if I played classical guitar but I could never get the hang of that.  I’m more of a campfire strummer.

But forget all that, I believe we were made for each other and the fact that I’m an underachiever should not stand in our way. Well, my way I guess since she doesn’t know I’m alive but this is nothing that can’t be overcome!
I can see it all now… me lounging on the couch on a Winter’s evening reading some new comic book I bought and she playing a love sonata on piano. We’d talk about each other’s day and then later in the evening while lying in bed she can whisper her innermost thoughts to me in Russian. Ok, I wouldn’t know what it is she’d be saying exactly but how lovely it would be!

Can you imagine Condoleezza Rice in a debate with that imbecile Joe Biden? He doesn’t even know where Russia is! He’d have to call up Sarah Palin for directions. All he would know is that Sarah said she could see it from her house but then Biden would also have to know where Alaska is. That would be too much for him. The liberal press would have to fake a national television blackout or something to avoid showing that debacle. “You wouldn’t believe it, folks, all the satellite trucks lost power at once!”
Hell, have Condi debate Obama. She’d kick his ass. The guy can’t go five minutes without spouting some bizarre and meaningless campaign platitude like: “We’re almost there, help me get there with you.” Now if “there” means the bottom of a financial hole that we as a nation won’t crawl out of for 15 years, he’d be right on the money!  

And the last thing the President would want to do is debate his foreign relations record with a former Secretary of State and member of the National Security Council. Go Condoleezza!
But ultimately I believe that Condi and I will be reunited. Ok, I’ve never met her but if we were to ever meet, I’m sure she’ll fall head over heels for me.  So until then, as Vice President she'll be back at the forfront of American politics I can again worship her from afar.

Ok, so perhaps Mitt would be better off with a true conservative rather than a holdover from the Bush era but this time my heart trumps my head.

Condi Rice for VP!

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